The next day I showered, dress up, put on make-up (gasp!), updated my resume, and applied to jobs across town, both online and in person. But that night, reality started crashing into my brain.
Now that I don't have my awesome job where I work from home:
- I need to be concerned with snowfall that will prevent me from being able to leave the house (and go to work) for days at a time.
- I had to cancel my doctor's appointment as an unnecessary expense (ironic, as I'd JUST gotten the courage to continue on our journey of infertility)
- If we did actually manage to produce a child/children, I can no longer stay home and take care of him/her/them.
- I no longer have my "freedom of schedule" to vacation, travel, or hang out with friends whenever I want
- I can no longer foster kittens, or at least not bottle fed babies, as I will not be able to feed them every couple hours.
In general, I'm feeling a huge loss of all of my longterm life goals. I hadn't realized how dependent I was on that one shitty job.
I'm sure, in time, that I'll find a new path to my goals. But for now, I'm hanging by a thread.
Nah, it's just pushing you in a slightly different direction than you thought you were going. Which is scary as shit, but not necessarily a bad thing. You might end up with a job you adore, coworkers who will still be showing up at Thanksgiving in 20 years, and a different take on life. And not to knock the wonderful dream of staying home with children, but I LOVE (LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE) having a reason to regularly leave mine..... just saying, don't get too far ahead of yourself. That stuff is minimally a year away, and all sorts of things will be different then so there's no reason to disappear now.
ReplyDeleteps- I love you *hugs*
*despair, not disappear
ReplyDeleteThanks, Marty.
ReplyDelete